who shoot my eye?

hello. It’s been centuries since i last came and blog . Please tell me how much you miss diana the great so that i will have the pity for you all , and come to write in my blog heh…

So what is one of the greatest event that happened to Diana the great ? It was the best day of the millenium , in fact the Givernment should mark it as a holiday! Diana the great went to Sentosa and VISITED THE UNDERWATER WORLD FOR THE FIRST TIME !

If i ever become Eunice Olsen the second , then i will make sure that every 22nd may is a holiday . but enough of commerating the day and more of explaining what happen on this marvelous day , that happen to be ytsd… hmmm…

Well not that i am a sua ku but it is just that  i havent step in underwater world before. HEY NOT MY FAULT . This tickets are selling at throat cut prices, and not that i have no money lah . BUT IT IS ABOSLUTELY UNECESSARY TO SEE FISHES SWIMMING RIGHT?????

you see i have a FGM . Fairy God Mother. Her nick name is val lua . AND she really grant wishes . I yearn to go underwater for free and voila , what happens FGD grants me the wish and not only that i have free entry to sentosa too! THANKS FGM! trust me she is better than GSS(Great Singapore Sales ) , with FGM sometimes you get discounts too . Any way enough of her , see some delightful photos.

Welcome to sentosa~ (Tourism board you better pay me for this!)

FGM and me . geeeeeee we look pretty!

u know something screw up im my hosting webbie . tell then i will upload more!

someone perfect

I know this is silly but creating mr perfect is harder than imagine. I was at home and i found lots of time , thus i decided to create the world most perfect man.

After about a list of like a thousand , which included things like he must not be too handsome or i wont be secure . i realised that creating the perfect man was way too hard . It seems like if he was the alpha male , i would be inferior , but if he was not i would feel like he lack something . Thus i concluded , Love let lovers cross all boundaries! So if my man wakes up at 2 am in the the morning and stinks like some gorilla , Love must blind me to forgive him for probably scratching his crotch ect come on girls are not perfect either!

the weirdest ppl

sorry sorry …for people who are a fan of my ahem coooool blog sorry i didnt update my blog for the longest time . well u see…i forgot i have a blog

i mean how genius can i get… haha

well thank God datuk ho reminded me , so there u all fellows… the new entry

well for those who are dumb and dumber …and do not know about me wrking in going to be desfunct song n kelly , i am yes in fact just call it quits in song and kelly .

But however they say the ways of the wise reaches thousands, lets look at the ways of humour and how many it reaches…

today i will be focusing on the dos and donts of being a sales person

1 always tell ur customer that she is not fat

one customer of mine told me she was really thin and she wanted to put on weight …. LIKE ME!so i told her that hey me too … i always wanted to put on weight , and i told her that we can put on weight together … then she started to cry

2 always be nice to aunties

since i was in charge of the 90 percent of rack , itis natural that i meet aunties of all sorts … this particualr aunty look like a 60 year old grandma with lots of tatoos on her back , when i serve her well she started saying “ah muay next time i matchmake u to my grandson , and lo and behold i saw the grandson , haha  i used to have a crush on him …(BTW NOTHING HAPPEN)

3 never fold the clothes too nicely , it can infact drive u nuts during a sale.

i bet during my stinct i folded more than 500 times and lost my temper about one million times…sometimes even the tais tais lose their head in a 90 percent sale… i mean who can blame them? so to make things easier . sont fold the clothes … (be prepared to be tickedoff ) … k thanks for reading till next time God bless you!

know ur tea ..teeeeee

HELLO i have calculated i have 34 types of tea at home . So why did Diana wanted to count her tea bags? THE reason is ….. TO UNDERSTAND THE DOMESTICATED GODESS INSIDE HER …ya right …:pTHE ANSWER WILL BE ANSWERED SHORTLY…

So ok back to the reason for counting tea bags . My family has been a HUGE and when i say huge i mean HUMONGUS fans of tea . WE drink tea as if tea is dead cheap. Which in actual fact is true beacause tea is cheap n dead (remember the biology teacher said that everything with no roots is mati(DEAD)) ok . To add on to this piling collection . I went to COLD STORAGE (TAKE NOTE -not warm,not hot BUT COLD storage) .

At COLD storage , everything is cold , and it started to snow . AHAH , sorry that was a fantasy , back to reality, Itook out rose buds and hibiscus teabags from the shelf , suppose to help promote relaxation ect ect , i skim through the sypnosis and then as long as i spot the words CLEAR TOXIN . I run to cashier

When i reached home to my amazment i found out there were lots of different tea shop, if i wasnt staying in a HDB , u would prob thought i own lipton store or something , and then i recalled i just bought the german tea bags last week . I think the part where the tea will clear toxin cleared too much . I ACTUALLY FORGOT MY BUY .

Thats why i counted UNDERSTAND??????????????

oh here are the post for the steam boat day , HAPPY b dae esther! and nice talking to u puay , with u i found my old lovers!

me , esther and puay!

A thumbs up!

4 very beautiful ladies. ALL SHOULD APPLAUD!

The diamond tree and us!

BOOOOOO! i got to admit that pic below is so scary . i put as a wallpaper for my papa . I hope he enjoys it

We are too cute to resist……

I am so proud of them, they help me find my way home!

My brief fling

haha . CAUGHT U ! I do not have a brief fling . BUT i fling a brief today !!ahaha . ok enough rubbish . This is what happen. I was looking for panties. Then i step to the ulu brand called Minoshi today and realised that the panties are too cute to wear! i was like screaming in my heart SHIT SHIT! and then i spotted BLACK “PANTIES”(it was selling for 3 bucks lah!) so with my heart contented I RAN AND GRAP THOSE “PANTIES”.

I THEN PROCLAIM “WHY THE PANTIES BELOW SO HUGE!”. ahaaha . as the astute readers by now will know . I grabbed a pair of brief and fling it. My only questing wold be WHAT IS A BRIEF DOING IN MINOSHI. haha The sales lady then came asnd say “We now hor trying to tap into the men market . You got boyfriend Miss? Buy for him? Then Buy cute cute kawaii one for urself”.

And i left the place.

haha apologies to ppl who came to read and fouund i didnt update for a long time . well u see …. i was having brief flings.

Daniel Craig-Who?

Ever fascinated with fast and the very furious?No i am talking about Tokyo Drift fast and furious.I am talking about JAMES BOND!

Yes all may know of the hype casino royale is getting but you dont know the huge hype Daniel Craig is giving me .

In case you didnt know . Daniel craig (blond and unbond) is going to star in the upcoming james bond flim. Casino Royale

James Bond and me go way beyond history . Since young my father ( a strict james bond fan) has been into shows like Octopussy , Dr.No and From Russia with love.

Of course the tag”like father like daughter” seemed to have n impact on me and hence , Diana the Bond lover is form.

The trademarks of james bond is identified by 3 things

1. Girls Girls Girls

Really , If james bond was a real real guy . I bet he will get syphillis or something. To date i think he banged at least 22 girls. eeek!!!! so why mr bond no HIV positive? my guess is that he is fiction. he is ..

 The ever famous Dr No woman.

 From Golden Eye

 What abt halle berry from “die another day “?

I think you get the message. Bond is definitely no brokeback mountain. he also promote racial harmony. If you get what i mean. It is the ultimate male fantasy , All of jame’s Bond show make getting pretty women DEAD easy.

2 Gadgets.

Who says batman’s car is the best?

 

Rolls Royce… the real thing…

 This is the lotus esprit

 new version of what i like .The old version is better , vintage rocks

 

Hello . This is my fave . It is the Aston martin DB-5

Can be seen in Goldfinger(1964)

http://images.search.yahoo.com/search/images/view?back=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.search.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%2Fimages%3Fp%3Djames%2BBond%2527s%2Bcars%26sp%3D1%26fr2%3Dsp-top%26ei%3DUTF-8%26fr%3Dyfp-t-501%26x%3Dwrt%26ei%3DUTF-8%26SpellState%3Dn-3911883292_q-bXTgVuC.Pux8COHq2U4u8gABAA%40%40&w=642&h=438&imgurl=www.tvacres.com%2Fimages%2Fbond_modeldb5.jpg&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.tvacres.com%2Fautos_spy_bond.htm&size=96.9kB&name=bond_modeldb5.jpg&p=james+Bond%27s+cars&type=jpeg&no=10&tt=114&oid=e8900911bdc6fc6c&ei=UTF-8

Check it out , it’s about my fav spy car .
Now you know . Why james bond is all man’s man. :0

3. This is indeed a trademark of James Bond.

At least 10 out of his theme songs make it to the chart

1 Tina Turner -Golden Eye

2 Madonna -Die another Day

3 Tina Turner – License to Kill

4 Duran Duran- A viw to a kill

5 Sheena Easton – For ur eyes only

ok there are more. But another thing i would like to note abt James Bond is that their Introduction. Very very Bond . check these few

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJYGn_eARV8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWUOnTWo6XI ( this is the best intro ! must check this out)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCWSfCI8icE (this was the very first , Dr no soundtrack)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7mhrQmy3fs

Yup . All part of the Bond package.

So let me get on to my story.

The main idea that hit me when i heard about casino royale was ” Wow it WILL BE  a great movie BUT who is acting?”

And i saw that face

If laughter was the best medicine. Daniel Craig will be.
Ok i am not saying Daniel Craig isnt cute or anything Just that i think he will not make a great Bond. He has not bond with me , he cant make a great Bond. No bond effect.

Lets Look at all the other covalent bonds shall we?

Not intrigue by Sir Roger moore . but i guess he will do

Ok. This guy is an aboslute gag

I adore him. Roger moore is superior above all others to cast as the Bond star . The deep lines on his face just makes him age sexily.

fair choice. Bad bond shows though.

By far . This is the second best choice after Roger Moore. Pierce Brosnnnnnaaaannnn

So what i am trying to coney here is that whenever i past by the walkway in Orchard underpass . Seeing the HUMONGUS POSTER OF DANIEL CRAIG ADVERTISING FOR OMEGA. i  chortle

actually to give him credit. Go see the royale casino .Or casino royale . Or JUST SEE HIM. 

full monty . no? not yet.

I am back . this time to shout out to guys what is a faux pas and what is ooo la la …

pet peeve 

 wearing underwear INSIDE where it should belong. 

knock knock. Under wear is called underwear beacause it is ahem .. an underwear. It is suppose to be worn UNDER the clothes.

Unless you have the body of marky mark ( the original guy who made this look famous), he was last appeared in the show the departed. Then by all means flaunt it . BUT let me tell you this look is so not easy to carry .

There was a time not too long ago where a guy in the mrt sation . Nel line . He was so skinny and insisted on wearing this ugly trend . guess what ? he did the full monty in front of me. Talk about appreciating urself.

The original jet setter for this look was made by Calvin klein. and MADE horribly famous by mark wharlberg. In the eighties. It is suppose to be an old school sensation embraced by bands like “new kids on the block”(an eighties band)

This is the look mark wharlberg did . he ENDORSES FOR CK.

 marky mark!

 CAn ur bod comapre to him?

 see i wasnt lying when i said he endorses for CK.

Tell u something . he is like that about ten years ago .

tell me something then . Isnt this fad long over? stop putting ur underwear OUT! It’s embarassing. and singaporeans in general cant carry it. SPARE ME ! SPARE SINGAPORE.

I know the recent hip hop faze is just too much … jay-z and all are letting underwear hang out . THIS IS SINGAPORE. not america. no freedom of speech . JUST PAP!

thanks

corrupted places..and pics of class activities.

hello. so a great deal of happenings today . First i went to church . THEN the fun starts

papa went with me to two very corrupted places .

1. CHUA CHU KANG

2 ORCHARD ROAD

. Let me start of by explaining that chua chu kang is corrupted because a worm by the name of “datuk ” Ho live there . This reason explains why CCK is always ulu and ghost related . NOt forgetting the infamous CCK cementary .

The reason why i went to ahem… cck was TO SEE A HOUSE or rather in singapore’s context A HDB FLAT .

That is beacuase in one years time jie jie is going to get married (hurray!) and that means i have to do all the housework by myself (boo) . So my very loving father suggested moving to a sob sob* smaller house . sad thing was he suggested CCK -the reason why he choose there was the very reason why everyone teased jimmy . ITS CAUSE ITS ULU . my papa like PEACE..he wants peace as badly as the tamil tigers in sri lanka! so hence CCK.

Thank God after me persuading him endlessly how tiring it will be for accessibility , papa gave up eyeing on that flat . The property agent eyes were like darting snakes. she wanted to kill me for pouring wet blanket on the”beloved cck unit”

AHAHAHA..like i care ..nananee booboo..

ok orchard is not really a corrupted place , but to my father . the place is equates to PARKISTAN

this is what happen when i walked down the spledid streets of orchard with papa today

papa : diana the car park is super ex

me: ya i know

(out of the car ) walk to paragon…

papa: the things they sell here are super ex due to rent prices!

me: ya i know

(walk out to takashimaya)

me: papa i want to go novo see shoes

papa : ok (give me 50 dollars )

me: papa no need

papa: take go see

(5 mins later)

me: i am done , i dont like anything (return money)

papa : see nothing there to buy everything so ex!

me ya i know..

(went to mos burger)

papa : Diana (hands me 50 dollars ) go buy chicken set no mayo

me ; (went to buy)

(when i return..)

gave back 43 dollars …

papa : what! fast food so ex?

me : ya Mos burger ex , i know

papa :thats why dont go to orchard ..everything so ex , i go to the hawker senter only 3 dollars.

me : ya i know…

we went home after mos burger . amount of time spend at orchard was 1 hour and 30 mins.

we literally walked stall to stalls … NOT EVEN GOING IN! haha But i enjoy his company anyway . makes me thing 1 zillion times before buying.

Ok .. so here are the pics!

Ladies and gentlement , presenting to u , datuk ho . (he has a mental problem. lunatics bite , play along ok?)

he is driving a porche . fake it well ..

The main thing about this pic is that i am taller than tisa. Although she is prettier . Puke

My sis says that Dick looks handsome . I think she is insane to say that . She havent see the true ah peh in him. wait till i show her HAHAHAHA

So that day .. the whole gang went to Bugis neoprint to take pic. FYI it is andrew’s virgin xperience .. so late tsk tsk.

 I think all the girls look sweet here . THE SAME CAN BE SAID FOR THE GUYS.

 I have finally convince my sis to say these words ” dick not so handsome after all” I think u all can see how gorilla ugly dick is

 I love vals’s face . for your info . she looks like that 24/7 . oh and tisa .. yes tisa.. she looks like Ju-On.ahaha .I fail miserably looking kiam pa . I guess thats caz i am not kiam pa at all (self praise)

1,2,3,4,5,6 the numbers sa luck lao (the infamous 3 6 9 gang is scared of . our grp)

 OMGOODNESS. i just love vals’s face . its like “HUH ANDREW JUST STRIP NAKED IN FRONT OF ME AND IT IS A TERRIBLE SIGHT” face.

Jimmy’s face is the MY WIFE UST CAME HOME AND SHE NAGS SO MUCH THAT I AM IN A PATHETIC SHAPE

andre’s face is the VAL JUST FLASH HER ONLINE SHOPPING LIST TO ME AND I CANT TAKE IT ..face

Tisa has the I DONT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT MY GROUP’S FACE

 I think the whole group looks good here . dont u think ? OH except dick . AHAHA

Its undeniable that dick is trying to baptize val and tisa. Look at their respnse. maybe u should leave that to father arthur

Father arthur is the maroon coloured guy . He is a guy who is hot , literally . he needs aircon! he is super nice and always hold the door for anyway 1, thank you!

Herwan looks great ! i always say that . and the guy in black shirt is roshan . ex acs sec guy and he is on par with sha ruh khan in terms of looks

left to right . sharlne , i love her body! If i had her body i can wear anything i want!

dick, jimmy , andrew, tisa , me , sam (she is voted perfect ten female!) and wei qi ( her underwear rocks!)

last but not least . y-ash-na-b(varnisha , the girl who fights too much )

Zoom in on Jimmy(the guy in blue) i tell u a secret he hasnt bathe in one year .

grand finale of pretty females.tata . God bless you

Being alone.Shiok

Ok . For the first time is a pretty good insight to my life . I am a LONE is my middle name.

these are the things i enjoy doing alone. Serious

1. Watch movie . today i just caught the prestige , myself . And It was a splendor , all the way to the end. Till this date i have watched 45 movies by myself . Always keeping track of the movies by circling the movie tiecket.

2. i go to the playground at night . Alone.

last year my hair was LONG. So that may be the reason why neighbours are gossiping about the skinny ghost in the playground.And that the hell money that burns every 7th month gets worse every year .

Armed with Mp3, a libary of 80′s classics and 70′s disco. BLAST THY MUSIC and SWING urself as high as possible is somewhat addictive,and mantra-like.

3. Sometimes, i go to my favourite restaurant, solitare.

The most recent one that i can think of is waking up and rushing to eat at Thai express . I spend 2 hours of heaven with a book in hand.Shiok…

4. When i am angry i drown my sorrows. Alone .

Like when i had trouble with a girl whose name appeared in the bible. I zoomed to giraffe.

People u have got to try . It’s time with urself that is so lacking in Singapore. Try it . Love it.

I conclude i need at least 4 hours each week by myself Quality time . Then i wont get so moddy . Forgive me if my mood swings . leave me alone Let me swing it away .

 wei qi and ME!

L to R

uncle ho , aunty lua , yee ah beng , Soh tai tai /tao kay neo , Dick Lee (bruce lee nemisis) and Chen tao kay

Thanks for viewing

self defence for women.Note to women and sexual predators!

Hello . When u are living an ulu ulu place like me u need to know the word , SELF DEFENCE very well.

Did you know that ~at least 8 out of 10 women at the age of 20 have been a a sexual victim?

NOTE TO ALL SEXUAL PREDATORS .. BOO TO YOU ! DONT YOU DARE PICK ON WOMAN CAUSE WE ARE THE FAIRER SEX! REMEMBER IF NO ONE PUNISHES YOU , GOD WILL!

So i shall continue this ruthless to predators, concern for victim  essay..

TIPs

1. So as i noted . Woman like to take their keys out ONLY in the lift . Please take it out as soon as u step out of the bus or if you are near your home.

          Reason? You can use the keys to HURT you predator . Remember the key is a weapon! do not be afraid to be abusive to your predator .HE IS GOING TO EAT YOU UP!

2. When you get into the lift (applies to HDB dwellers)

Stand beside the buttons. AND if ever you get a scumbag rushing in SUDDENLY.. PRESS ALL THE BUTTONS IMMEDIATELY.

It helps that the govt is so nice to renovate lifts in Singapore so that it OPENS AT EVERYFLOOR(at least mine do )

So that when the predator tries to touch us skin one inch away . You can rush out of the lift -please only when the lift door opens If it closes and you rush out,bang ur head and faint , my tip cannot work .

3.Anything can be a weapon.

if you want to be like Zhang zi yi in the chinese blockbuster-Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon , and use a comb to hit ur predator , you can.

See the best thing is that God gave us a femmine charm by letting us grow our nails long , Manicure all you like , Buff and paint all day long …. BUT when the predator comes SCRATCH HIM AND POKE THE NAILS AT THE EYES/EYEBALL.. All in the name of protecting oneself

Dont forget bags,umbrellas and oh ur elbow can be used as WEAPONS!

4. The balls.After you are done with the top, focus on the on the ones below.

So , i dont think you want the stupid predator to carry on the fruit of his loins rite?

Kick

jab

Stabbed

Punch

Crush

These are some of the possible ways to treat the predator’s balls . u see , treat it like a punching bag at all cause. God knows that men can always treat us unjustly . Thus he created as extra sensitive part , namely balls. Just Do It.

4. Pull everything

Pull his hair ,eyelash ,skin… You get the message . Oh not forgettimng woman’s fav instinct behaviour. Slap.

I am done . PREDATORS IF YOU READ MY BLOG AND WANT TO COUNTER ATTACK US FEMALES . U CANT DO THAT . I WILL CREATE A PART TWO IN MANUAL FORM .

Women, If you encounter any problems , walk fast fast and SHOUT , also Please remember tp report the incident!

Thank you

Especially written for

My toilet clan . Our area . Bloody scary .

And all the Females that are bold enough to read my blog . God bless you